Sunday, December 8, 2013

just before the holidays!

Dear readers,

it's already December, how did that happen?

I feel like sometimes time moves a bit too fast! Which is not totally a bad thing, because it doesn't leave me much time (lol) to brood on situations and feel sad. They say that if you keep busy, it's better, and I find that is really is!
I think that exercising actually helped me too, to feel better. Now my usual state is that of a person full of energy, trying to do as much as possible and live each day to the fullest :)

A recent update on my life; I am still working as a housekeeper, and I am still employed by that temp agency as a support worker, but I've only done a few shifts, and this is becoming a bit frustrating. I thought I would get a steady job for a few weeks at least, and not only a few shifts.
Since I am still applying for jobs, I think I'm going to try more vigorously now, to get what I want.
I have a job interview next week actually. At first I though, oh crap, why now, it's going to mess with my schedule, but on the other hand now that I'm thinking harder about it, if it's something steady AND about something that I like doing, why the hell not?? The money is not that good, but if I do it full time, it may actually be enough to pay my rent!!

It's about 1 year after I graduated from Kingston University, and NOW people are approaching me with job opportunities (even if those opportunities are shit), and now I am actually considered worthy of interviews.
I had to have 1 year of CRAP literately, to be able to reach the bottom of job-pool. Last year, I couldn't even get those crappy jobs!!! I'm not sure that is good thing or not. LOL. But a girl I met in one of my seminars, told me that I am one of the lucky ones. I've been here for 2 years and now I can actually do things, while other people have been here for a lot longer, as much as 5 years, and haven't done even half as what I have.
Which I thought was awesome and then I was a little proud of myself.
So thank you (I'm not gonna say her name, for obvious reasons).

Another fantastic thing happened, I went to an interview last week, for a volunteering post in a facility for substance abusers with mental issues and offending, and I got the post!!
Obviously I won't get paid because it is voluntary, but OMG this is going to be so important for me as experience and it will look awesome in my CV :D so it's a win win situation! (If I do actually help some people, it's going to be perfect).

Now on another, more sad note,
I am still getting nightmares about going back home. I will be in Athens for 2 weeks, over Christmas vacation, to be with family, friends and boyfriend. But I am very ambivalent about it.
Many thoughts crossed my mind actually, one of them being that maybe I shouldn't go, and perhaps it would have been better if I stayed here alone for the holidays. At least that way I wouldn't have to stress over anything.
And then I thought, well, this is a problem. If I'm thinking of not going, only to avoid the anxiety, then we have an issue. I should have been glad to be back, instead of trying to avoid it. And yet.... crap.

Mindfulness skills help a bit with the anxiety, especially because I have all these issues in my head, and the way I perceive the world/people around me and this is what causes all this anxiety. So being able to accept my broken self is the first step. Now, the most important thing is NOT to get caught up in my crazy thoughts, and actually see them as what they are: just a negative thought, nothing more.

Seriously though, I strongly recommend Mindfulness for those that suffer from anxiety, panic, and/or depression. Any of those 3, or all of them. It does make you feel a bit better.

Anyway, I will update my blog before I leave London though, so bear with me as the holiday season approaches and so do the crazy shoppers and roaring tourists.