Thursday, September 12, 2013

Back to London, with a very different attitude

Disclaimer:

My dearest readers,
since I have been feeling awful in the past months (years even), and I have been battling with anxiety and depression and plenty of other stuff, I have decided this: I am attempting to change my life, get rid of my depression, and avoid nervous breakdowns; and to help me in this attempt is, what else, but my blog. I will be posting almost daily now, using my blog as an online diary. (Some people use their facebook accounts for that, but I hate it :/ so I'll use blogger instead.)


Getting this out of the way, now I can go ahead and describe the past few days including today.

My final days in Athens passed beautifully. I was hanging out in my house, eating my mom's awesome cooking, and cuddling with the bf. Also, hanging out with friends in the evenings.
Paradise.
And paradises don't last.

On the 10th I had to get on that plane to return to London.

My heart was so heavy, I never felt so sad, and I've been away for 2 years! But this time, it hurt more that ever, and I can't understand why.
I was so heavy with sorrow and nostalgia, and feelings I couldn't identify :(
I just didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave my bf's arms.
I wanted to look into his eyes forever, to be held forever.

But that is impossible.

So I got on that plane. And flew back to a cold, damp, grey, overcrowded London.
To my incredibly small studio flat in Northern London. That looks over a busy street, where the noise never stops.
Fortunately I was very tired, so I went to bed easily, and without nightmares.

The next day (yesterday) I had to visit my estate agents, to renew my contract for the flat I'm renting.
After that I did some shopping, and I got back home.

In the late afternoon I spoke with my bf on Skype for a few minutes, and when we hanged up, I realized how much I was missing him, how much it's killing me, not being able to touch him, just to be near him even. The pain was unbearable for a few minutes, and I felt crippled.
To take my mind off things, I watched the new episode of Sons of Anarchy, one of my favorite tv series. But instead of making me feel better, it made me feel even worse!!! (was that even humanly possible!?)

I called my bf on Skype again. I felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. After a while I felt a bit better. I spoke to my parents on Skype too.
I can't believe I'm so far away from all the people I love in this world. I get aches all over my body, as a result of my anxiety and my sadness. Especially in the abdominal area.
Anyway, I watched a few episodes of Dexter, and slowing fell asleep.
Unfortunately it wasn't without nightmares :(

I woke up around 11am, feeling like shit. Still remembering the nightmares.

But today was a good day! I visited the Natural History Museum, to see an exhibition about butterflies! That was a really cool thing :D a climate controlled little dome, in the museum's yard, contained hundreds of live butterflies that flew around! And even sat on you :p
We had loads of fun, even though I am afraid of insects, (I can only stand butterflies, because they are very beautiful).

Here is a picture of me and my friend, in the butterfly dome:



After that, we got some light lunch, and walked around South Kensington. We also visited the Victoria and Albert Museum. We walked around the permanent exhibitions, especially in the jewelry department. It is such a lovely museum, with beautiful collections.

My favorite museums in London are the Victoria & Albert, the Natural History, the Science museum, and the British Museum.  They all have free entrance, and they are lovely.

When I got home, I went through the mail that accumulated over the 2 months I was gone. Some interesting things :)

This is it for today, I will probably post again tomorrow night, writing tomorrow's adventures!

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