Saturday, February 16, 2013

After Valentine's Day, here comes reminiscence!!!

I have a lot of things to write today, so bear with me!!!!
so much inspiration!!!!

First, I want to say how mad I am, that my laptop got messed up by some stupid email virus. And the funny thing is, I am obsessed with emails these days, since I'm looking for a job, so I'm always checking to see if I got any replies! Plus, I have a few things I'm expecting in the mail, and sometimes they send you an email to notify you.
SO I was anxiously looking at my messages when this stupid thing came, as a FedEx mail, with a parcel that I had to get. LOL?!?!? the person that put that Trojan virus in a FedEx mail, should burn in Hell!!!
I'm not a believer of Heaven and Hell since I'm not a christian, BUT Hell should exist for those sons of bitches that do these things.
So bye bye laptop. !$£^£"&^%*(@ (yes, this is swearing, just like in cartoons).

Second, I'd like to say that I had a really nice Valentine's Day, if you exclude the morning, where the fire alarm in my building went off, because my stupid neighbor probably fucked up again. This is the second time this has happened. 10 am for fuck's sake, that stupid man. I was trying to sleep, because my insomnia has struck again, so my sleeping patterns are fucked. I was hoping for a 3 hour nap, until I had to go to the Post Office to collect something, and then in the evening I had to go to my seminars for the British Red Cross. (But I'm not supposed to say anything online for this, they have a really strict policy about these things).
Anyway, my asshole neighbor and my asshole landlord did not help my mood at all.
I had a brief skype-call with my bf before going to the seminar, and it was really sweet.
When I came home, around 10:30 pm, I found the valentine card in my inbox.
It was so sweet, this year we decided to make the cards ourselves, with Photoshop or Paint, and I'm really glad we did, because it was great seeing his card, and he really liked mine too :)
Last year it wasn't so great. I had a freaking meltdown because I was remembering our first valentine's day, and how different it is now because of the distance, and I was very upset. Long story short, I was a fucking wreck. And I was afraid that this year it would be the same crappy day, but no; it was actually very very good :)
So yeah, I had a great time, talking on Skype with him later that night (we have a 4-hour difference) but we make it work most days. After being with him for 2 years, I can definitely say that I'm having as much fun now as I had when our relationship was fresh and new. I have so many things to look forward to, and so many things I want us to do and experience, that keep me excited about us.

Third thing I want to write about is kinda linked to this valentine's thing. I'll try to explain.
This month I have been doing a huge effort to lose weight. I have 5 extra kilos I'd love to get rid of, so I can finally fit into my old clothes again.
The story about my figure is really long, so I'll make it short:
I never was a skinny girl. I was plumb. Not overweight, just a bit on the plumb side. A few extra kilos.
When I was 20 years old, all this changed radically. After a horrible relationship, I got so ripped apart and depressed (it was NOT pretty) and without noticing that I wasn't eating anything, I lost about 10 kilos. And I loved my new self. I mean I adored to look at myself in the mirror, OMG I wanted to be like this forever. So since I was 20 until I was 23 and a half, I was feeling awesome. I'd never felt beautiful or sexy in my life, and since I'm kinda shy and introverted, I could see a huge difference in my life. They way people looked at me....It was so strange!!! I felt happy!
Long story short, at 23 and a half, another radical change happened. I started putting on weight!!!
That was a fucking nightmare!!! All I wanted to do was eat!! When I realized what was happening, it obviously wouldn't leave by itself, I had to make an effort, and I just couldn't. Then I moved to the UK, and it became worse. I was again that plumb girl. Oh my fucking God. AND to add to my misery, before I left, my hairdresser destroyed my hair, so I had to cut in short. I had really long pink hair, that I adored. And I was left with a silvery blonde short thing, that made me look like Meg Ryan.
I like Meg Ryan, I think she is cute, don't get me wrong, it's just that I'm not her :/ that is not who I am :(((

This is who I was: (the girl on the left, with the pink hair)
there is plenty of pictures on my Facebook profile, so many memories and good times!!

So yeah, to continue from where I left off,
I was feeling very happy with myself (not an easy task, as a lot of people have problems with body image and confidence). But that happiness was gone, when I had short blond hair, and was 8 kilos up. It was NOT  how I wanted to see myself.

These days I'm very close to my old self, and I'm really happy!! My hair is back to a nice pastel blue & pink & lavender color, that I absolutely adore AND I'm losing weight, slowly but steadily!
I have SWORN to myself that I WILL lose those kilos and go back to how I used to look.
The hair (&piercings) might have to change because of work, obviously, but I need to be thinner again. I really need to find myself again, and if I don't like what I see in the mirror..... well.
It wasn't just my confidence and my happiness that fell down though, it was everything. I even felt weird having sex. Like I wasn't attractive anymore, for anything. Although my bf was nothing but supportive, I could not shake that awful feeling of being unattractive :(
oh, that vanity... sometimes it destroys us :/

I am feeling a lot better weight-wise though, because I've lost my appetite for a while, and I don't eat much, so I feel a lot lighter, and that's nice!!! I try not to eat Carbs as well, and this helps. More protein, less carbs and less fat, and it's all good!!
I've given myself an ultimatum, it's now or never! I'm 25 years old now, and I ain't gettin' any younger!!! I will look like I used to, now that I still can!!!

(WOW this is getting to be a really looooooong post!!)

So to sum it up, I was kinda thinking about the past and specifically the year 2011, my last months in Greece, and my lovely boyfriend, all the stuff that happened, all the fun times I had with my friends, my graduation from uni, all the things I was doing. I really miss my life there. I would really like to go back in time and re-live those months. Everything, from the beginning.
I was so happy most of the time, even if I didn't know it then, it was the best months of my life. So much fun, so much love, so many emotions and experiences!!! God I really miss my life then :(((((

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