Sunday, November 18, 2012

fucking social networks and fuck my life.....

isn't it kinda weird, when you have your boss on facebook, or your colleagues, or something like that, and you can't do what you usually do, because they'll probably see it???

I have my previous boss on FB, who took me along to another job, so now we both have the same boss, but I'm still at the end of the food chain.
And so I can't post anything there about my job.


I'm having a bad week. My mom is in London, visiting me. And she is staying with me. In my tiny studio flat. The good thing is I get to spend time with her, and it's nice. The bad thing is I have no privacy, because it's just 1 room (+the bathroom). So that's a bit frustrating, when I want to be on Skype, or just listen to music and be sad, and I really can't do that.

That's not the reason I'm having a bad week though.
It's a lot of things that have piled up lately.

The fact that I have almost no friends left, makes this whole thing worse, because I don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings, my thoughts, etc. I'm angry and sad. I feel like crying all the time, and screaming. But I bottle everything up. I don't really have a choice, 'cause what else can I do with all that?? Who can I talk to? (I think most people would think I'm insane anyway, so maybe it's best to avoid that :p )

All I feel is that I'm crumbing down inside, I don't know why, and I don't know how to stop it. I know I'm sick of my life. Something is wrong, or everything. It could be that everything is wrong!
I feel so alone, like no one cares, not truly. I feel like if I was going to die tomorrow, no one would know. Seriously, I could die tomorrow. And no one would even know. For days. No one would be notified, no one would be there to recognize my corpse.

Why, you ask? Why these dark and silly thoughts???
Well, because it's true, really.

I'm so far away from parents (usually the first people that come running when there is trouble- mostly to yell at you, but at least they can be useful sometimes). I'm so far away from the few close friends I had in Athens, the ones that really know me and my problems and we often talked about stuff.
And here in London, I really don't have many friends. Just 2 or 3 people that we talk regularly, and some other people too, but we're not close. And these days we rarely see each other anyway, so they're not "friends" exactly.
Anyway. That's why I feel that no one would know. I'm not even mentioning my boyfriend. It's complicated.


I've thought about this blog, and I think the only use it may have is that I'm going to use it as an online diary kinda thing, since I'm not really doing the 101 things to do before you're old and boring anymore.

ONE thing I would totally recommend though, to do before you're old, is to do drugs. Try some. DON'T get addicted!!! JUST try some, like mdma, coke, lsd, mushrooms, speed, acid, weed, stuff like that. NOT crack, scunk, or heroin. Cause that gets your body addicted whether you want it or not, and you don't want that. But the other, you can try once, and you'll be fine. Don't over do it.
I think you won't regret it. I certainly haven't!