Thursday, August 30, 2012

Signing new contract, panic disorder and stuff

I wish this was a much more interesting post, like signing a new contract for a music album, or a sports team or something, LOL, but it's just for a new apartment.
My lease is up in 2 weeks, and I need to move out from my room here in Kingston, so I got a new place, this time a studio apartment, not a room in a shared house. My new place is going to be in north London, in Harringay area, very close to a tube station and on a main street, which is so fucking noisy.

I could go on and on how the estate agents are FUCKERS in this country and everybody hates them, but I won't. I could share my personal experience of them, the stuff they tried to pull, because I am an immigrant and a student, but I won't. a friend of mine (half British half Greek) said that they are the equivalent of the Devil, in human form on Earth, and guess what, it is quite accurate!
They only care about their money, and about the landlords. The tenants are left in the mercy of God, and luck. And they are taken advantage, in any way imaginable!
BUT as I said, I'm not going to go into detail. I don't even want to think about it anymore.
I'm signing the fucking contract tomorrow, and that's good, and that's all that matters now.

Another thing is that I asked for an extension on my dissertation deadline.
I can't concentrate and write anything, and I'm seriously behind on that. This thing with the house, with my boyfriend leaving, with my life changing again, is making me feel so fucking awful, that is fucking up my work.
Bottom line is I'm waiting for my application to be accepted or denied. My psychiatrist told me that from what he understands at least right now, I'm suffering from panic disorder syndrome and minor depression. Which fits completely with what I thought for myself the past few years.
Being a psychologist has it's gifts and curses. One gift/curse is to self-observe. A lot. Knowing firsthand how and what I feel, I had concluded to the fact that I probably had a panic disorder  and I already knew I was battling with minor (or not so minor) depression for some years now.
It's nice though to hear it from somebody else, a doctor with years of experience and a very kind person who says that it's not your fault, and sometimes these things just happen, there isn't always a strong reason behind everything. That does take the pressure off.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get the extension, that would be awesome. I would have plenty of time to write the damn thing properly. Having to move in the new place and everything, there are so many things that need to be done and that takes so much of my time! :S

There are other things I wanted to write about, but I'm not in the mood anymore, so they'll be in the next post.

I'll leave you with a favorite song of mine. From a favorite tv series.

1 comment:

NellieVaughn said...

I remember when I was suffering from a panic disorder with minor depression. The panic disorder being quite severe. Now it has flipped. It is the depression that concerns me, and the anxiety being minor.