Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Have you ever...

...felt empty and full at the same time?
It's a very weird feeling and I had no idea it even existed, until today.
I've felt sad before, empty and fed up. This is kinda like all of them together, but even more evident. Hmm.. strange things, emotions.

I rarely feel hungry anymore, so I eat once a day maybe. Yesterday I had stomachache, and I thought that if I eat something, it might get better. It did actually, I felt much better. However, I felt sick. I felt disgusted by food as a concept, how weird is that? What the fuck is wrong with me? I hated myself for eating! I hated food, and I hated my stomach, and I hated everything.
Ok, I have a few extra pounds on me, but nothing that I need to go anorexic for!! I mean, seriously, cutting back on food a bit is fine and health, but hating food??? Being disgusted by food as a concept?? There is something seriously wrong with that. A thought that pops into mind, is that food is intrusive, it has to be consumed, it has to go in your mouth and you have to chew it and swallow it. And maybe I don't want anything intrusive right now. I want to be left alone, even by food.
I know I probably sound insane, and you know what, maybe I am, but there's nothing I can do about it at the minute. So bear with me here, or close this tab.

It's not only food though that gives me the creeps sometimes (beer seems to be going down smoothly, no thought-side effects). I don't know what's wrong, I don't know how to fix it. I have embraced it.

I have embraced the fact that my warm pizza doesn't make me feel happy or excited at all :(
I have embraced the fact that I can go for hours on end without food, or drink.
I have embraced the fact that I don't have any strong cravings of any kind, these days.
I just sit and stare, for hours,
feeling half asleep, half awake.

Monday, June 25, 2012

it's been ages

I feel it's been ages since I blogged. Sometimes I wish I could do it everyday, sometimes I wish I could even have something worth blogging about every day. Oh well.

It's almost the end of June, and it feels so strange. When did June came to an end??? The weather here in London has been on and off, cold one day, hot the next, then cold again, day after day. I don't complain though, because I do like cold weather, I do prefer to suffer from cold that from heat. It rains often, even though it's officially summer now, still.
Back home everyone complains about heat of course, as always, since it's 38 degrees. Every summer is the same in Greece, boiling hot. This I do not miss. At all.
What I miss are other things.
My house and my garden, my cat, my old life.
But I don't want to keep talking about that, it seems as though everything I write these days is about reminescence. (is that even a word? lol).

Anyway, this post was going to be about the fact that uni is over in September and that I am in the middle of the experiments for my dissertation, and that is good. I am looking forward to go home in July for 12 days, and then Ill be back here in London.... Many things to look forward to!!! :D

Thursday, June 7, 2012

gone for a while, and summer is coming

I know I have been gone for quite a while from blogger, the reason behind this, is that I had my last exam for uni at the 28th of May. After that, I felt so tired, so fed up, that I didn't want to do anything at all :/ just sit on my ass all day and rot :P
Why I actually did was sleep a lot, play video games, go out for beers and sit on my ass. Mostly.

There is nothing too exciting going on currently in my life (and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing).

I am waiting for the results from the exams and the essays, so that I'll know what I have to do (re-sit an exam or re-write an essay), and I'm also waiting for my supervisor to find time to meet me so we can talk about my dissertation and I can actually start the experiments. I hate the fact that June is already here, and I haven't started the fucking experiments... :@

I have booked my tickets to go back home, on the 4th of July (lol??) but I haven't booked my return here yet :/ and since I won't be coming back alone, but with my boyfriend, who will stay with me until late August-beginning of September, when he needs go leave for Russia again, it's something I have been postponing to do..... But I need to book them soon, because with the Olympic Games and stuff, it might/will get crowded in London airspace :P

Anyway, other than that, nothing much is going on really...
I feel weird, I don't know :/