Friday, August 6, 2010

An evening's thoughts and melancholy

These past two months I had much time to think about many things and people in my life.
This past year, it felt like life was living itself rapidly. So many things changed. I changed a lot as a person, and I think I like it. I got rid of people that were actually bringing out the worst of me, and that was a big and hard decision, but I made it. An I was and am happy about it. But you see, "evil" things don't always stay away :P so they continued to bother me, and I was so hypnotised by my new and happy life that I didn't delt with them properly. Of course that came back to bite me in the ass... Anyway, the bottom line of this is that I recently found out accidentally that some important things were kept from me, (lying hypocrite sack of shit). Thankfully I did continue to stand by my old decision and never changed it. Thank god!!! ( I don't believe in him, but it's a figure of speech)... But I can't help but wonder, what would have happened if I had changed my mind about them, I would still be living among lies and deceit.
I am so grateful that I finally saw through some people and I found the strength to leave them and go on with my life. Because as it's now proven, they were full of it, and so, I was right not to believe anything!

No matter how glad I am about the fact that I was right, (even at the very end), I can't stop being sad. I keep thinking that since people who meant so much to me, lied so easily, tryed to maintain a masquerade, (which was falling apart since I could see through it), then WHAT is actually true in life??? Who is not going to lie to me? If it was so easy to fool me and do what ever they wanted behind my back, then why won't any one else do the same to me???

I know it's not right to think like that, since people are different and just because there are many assholes out there doesn't mean that everybody is an asshole. But I can't think positive right now, I'm in a dark place :(

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