Tuesday, May 14, 2013
So I changed the text font into something more readable (I think), and also since I couldn't add any pictures to the background of this template, I completely changed templates.
I browsed through the pictures I could put there, but that one with the mountain and the raindrops, was the coolest. I love rain, and I think this picture represents the blog & me at the same time perfectly.
Cold, absent, sad, grey. Yep, that's me & my blog, isn't it fantastic? :D
Tell me what you think of the changes, is it easier for you guys now to read my posts, does it make the whole experience better??? I'm open to suggestions of course, and you know I love your feedback :D
I have thought of writing sooner, but I didn't have many things to say really, and when I did, I said everything in form of long emails to my mum, or conversations with my boyfriend.
As some of you know (that follow me on the social networks), I spent the last 3 weeks in Russia, visiting my boyfriend.
I wish I could say that it was all fun and stuff, but I'm afraid it's a little bit more complicated than that.
I haven't been feeling very well (physically and mentally) for a big while now. I thought that this trip would fix everything. But one trip cannot fix everything, when usually this "everything" is in your head. Or in this case, my head.
I don't even know where to start with this, so bear with me as we all try to make sense.
In those 3 weeks I got to understand my boyfriend and his feelings about Russia, a lot better than I used to.
I used to assume things, and this time I stopped assuming and actually opened my eyes and took a good look.
I can't say I had a lot of fun when we went out, because people in than town are not used to seeing people that look different. I have a few piercings in my face, and pink and lilac hair, and I dress mostly in black.
My boyfriend has many tattoos and a shaved head, a long beard and a few piercings in his ear & face. So people go crazy, they yell, they take pictures of us, they say things they think we won't hear, but we do.
So all in all, it's not a very pleasant experience to go outside. I used to think it was nothing, that my boyfriend was very sensitive, and was taking things the wrong way. But I got to experience this whole thing very well, when we went to the zoo. And when we took a walk to the local mall with friends.
Not very pleasant experiences either. It's like this every time. People are extremely rude and it's very annoying. At the end of the final week of my stay, I didn't want to leave the house! I understood completely why my boyfriend doesn't leave the house, only when it's necessary.
Now I don't want to monopolize this post with just the impact a different style was to the locals, so I'll stop here.
We had friends over to the house often, so that was cool, we had lots of fun this way, and I really liked it. Even if I don't speak Russian, I understand a little bit and my boyfriend translates, so it's not always boring :p
I actually had a good time. Even better when I had a few drinks.
Also, the food was nice, since my boyfriend cooks really well, and I enjoy all the traditional Russian recipes he makes for me. And when we ate out, it was ok too, I have no complaints about that. It was the 3rd time I visited Russia, and every time I eat a lot :D
One night, it was the Orthodox Good Friday night, we went to this Irish Pub that had just opened, and it was hilarious. It's not everyday that you see a pub in that country, so being in a place that looks like this, was pretty funny. There was a ska-punk gig happening that night, and that was cool.
I wish I had pictures of that, but my phone camera doesn't have flash, and I don't know how this is even possible, maybe it's broken or maybe I can't find that function.
So no dark pictures for me.
Now that I think about that, and about everything about this trip, I can't help it but feel like something was missing.
I think that's what has been bothering me the entire time. There was something, but I couldn't pin point it exactly. Now I know that it was that feeling, of something missing.
This is not nice though, and I'm sure I don't even want to know what was missing :/
Friday, April 26, 2013
(courtesy of my friend Marc, hey Marc if you're reading this, I just want to say your awesome!!)
I can finally have all the cool apps my HTC Wildfire S couldn't handle.
So I got Instagram yesterday. I'd tried it last year, but as I said, my phone was crap and internal storage was a big problem. Now Instagram functions at least, and time will tell if I'll have problems with it or not.
I'm very excited though, it's so nice to connect with all those people and I've already received so much love by likes and stuff, it's really cute :)
Connect with me if you like, I'm sure it'll be fun!!! This is my instagram :)
Also, you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Gothers and YouTube for extra fun moments :D
I've already uploaded some pics for last year & this year, but I still have a lot of this to put on there, so hold on :)
Friday, April 12, 2013
Listen to music. At least that's what I'm doing now. Listening to Juno Reactor, to be exact.
Another thing I like doing is playing videogames!! Now, if my lap top wasn't SHIT, the experience would have been a hell lot more enjoyable. But when you are stuck with a fucking TOSHIBA Satellite, with a million problems, that's what you get: FUCKED. You get fucked.
Like the insanely devoted Sims fan that I am, I bought the new expansion pack the other day, University Life. I was excited beyond belief. The game seemed so awesome I wanted to die. And then it froze. Completely. Then I really wanted to die. I kept freezing, no matter what I did. I uninstalled it & reinstalled it. No change. I uninstalled and tried the previous expansion. Nothing. Froze again, and then stopped working.
Now the thing is, my laptop may be shit, but it has never had any problems with this game. No problems at all. The occasional lagging, but that's all.
So now what do I do?????
I wait for the next patch, that may help this gaming experience.
This is fucking disaster.
Monday, April 8, 2013
So anyway, I thought why not, since I have it now, why not blog as well!
I'm sitting on my toilet right now and blogging! How fantastic!!
And I'm sure no one needed to know this little detail. But I'm excited, so you get to read a bunch of irrelevant stuff.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Like I'm constantly doing something wrong in my life, and I feel trapped one way or the other, and I'm trying to find answers, but without knowing the questions, or not having specific questions.
Why do I feel trapped in my own skin? in my own life.
Why do I feel like I'm missing something something? Am I missing something? What am I missing?
Quite recently I found a new job, in a store that I always liked and admired.
However, I don't feel like I belong. I don't feel that I like being a sales assistant.
I don't know what is wrong with me. People would kill for my job.
And yet I feel out of sorts. Everywhere I go and no matter what I do, I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
I can't shake that feeling.
Everyday it becomes stronger.
First I was exited, but that lasted only a little while. And then this creepy feeling came along. I can't even describe it.
It's just sad. Nothing makes me happy.
I don't achieve anything and I'm not happy.
I achieve things, and I'm not happy.
What the fuck is wrong with me??? what do I need? What can't I feel happy, ever?
I feel so tired, and so trapped :(
I want to see the sea again, I wish I could walk on the beach :(
I want to go home again, I want to stay quiet and not speak for days...
I am so tired, all I want to do is cry without making a sound.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
That being said, I've done some thinking tonight.
I was on Skype with the boyfriend and we had a conversation about our future life, and stuff; and I asked him if he has thought about what his priorities would be in the future (when we live together-that future). Like, if there would be time in his life for me, and "us". Kinda of a weird question, right? But I have seen so many couples screw up, get lost in the daily routines, and make other priorities much stronger that their relationships, and lose sight of what they had, and break up. And I would hate it if that happened to us. So, hence the weird questions.
He started talking about Tim Hendricks, a tattoo artist (if anyone watched NY ink, you know who that is) that lived kinda like a drifter, going all around the world and tattooing.
The bf and I, we've been watching NY ink last Easter, and so he made the comparison between him and Tim. He said "Tim was moving from country to country, tattooing everywhere and made a name for himself, and now that he is like 40, has finally settled down. But he's like 40 now. I won't travel around, I'll be in one place".
Although that was nice to hear, that he wanted to settle down with me somewhere, later that night, I thought about it.
People are free spirits, should they be tied down to one place?
I am not one of those people that live like a gypsy with one suitcase packed all the time, going from one place to another, just like that, for the excitement and the new things. I have a few friends that do this, and I know a lot more people that do this. I think it's not who I am though. I was the most difficult thing I ever did, moving to London from Athens, and that is just one place!! Although sometimes I think about going someplace else, I don't know how well I deal with change. I think I don't really deal with it well :/
The thoughts that came to mind, are plenty.
- Who am I really????
- And what do I really want in life???
- And is the thing I want compatible with what he wants for him???
Am I someone who is afraid of change, wants to settle down and start a life, and be safe in their routine?
Or am I someone who wants to live everywhere in the world, and doesn't want a steady job, a steady life, but seeks the adventure??
When I was younger, I know I definitely was the adventurous type. I wanted to go with the wind. I wanted to travel the world, with a backpack, and go everywhere, see everything, experience life in the fullest! Kinda like a hippy, just not so dirty :P
Now that I'm older, I'm not sure. I'm very often afraid of change. I'm contradicted in my mind constantly. It's like I have 2 people inside me, instead of one. My old self, and my new self. And I can tell you this: they are not getting along! They are so different, that it hurts me.
Having 2 voices in my head, is very confusing and I don't like it at all. But I can't seem to be able to stop it, just sometimes mute one of them-rarely. Sometimes they agree, and that's nice, or sometimes one of them is really optimistic, and that makes me feel very nice and gives me hope. Sometimes they both don't know what to say about something, so that's quiet time for my head, and I like it.
However, I'm still looking for the real me.
Is it one of them, or is it both of them?
What do you think???
Have you ever had a dilemma like this????
One question has answered itself just now.
- How should people live the right way? By settling down, or by moving around???
I guess there is no right way that is the same for everyone. Maybe each person should do what makes them happy. If one wants to be a drifter, then so be it. And if one wants to stay put, and build a career and have a safe life, then so be it for them too.
That sounds about right to me. The thing is now, do we want the same things in life? Do we know what we want? And when we find out, are they gonna be compatible?? :(