Monday, July 13, 2015
So much has changed since my last post!
First of all, we moved in to a new flat. We had quite the challenging time to find something decent within our budget, and getting rejected by landlords, that at the end we almost quit. We were very lucky though, and negotiated a great deal for a great maisonette 1 bedroom flat, just 5 minutes away from where we lived.
So, I am very happy about it.
IKEA was the choice for the furniture, because we were on a tight budget and good quality furniture in the UK are expensive. We were very content with the choices and selections we made from IKEA and the prices were fantastic as always.
Some customizing of course took place, since we're artistic and creative people.
We also created a canopy bed, DIY, by hanging fabric from the ceiling. It was so cheap, and beautiful and romantic to look at (and be under).
So all in all, after moving in here in the end of March, I've been a more relaxed and happy bunny. There is no noise at all, we live in a dead end alley, so no one passes by, and our neighbors are great. We have a large tree and ivy looking at our windows, and you can hear birds sing every hour of the day and squirrels visit our small balcony. We both couldn't be happier.
I have been very active on Pinterest lately, and also creating DIY projects at home (now that I have the space for it!!) if you want you can check out my profile and pins.
I have also been reading more books on Paganism. I needed the extra info/knowledge and they always inspire me to create stuff. Here is a picture of what I made today.
Anyways, I think it's good for a first attempt. Hopefully I'll do more and get better. (Also get a larger variety of supplies would be good.)
If anyone is interested in a tutorial or has any questions, please don't hesitate to message me!!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Hello my dearest readers!
I've been gone for a long time (6 months, is it?) and it only feels like yesterday!
Let me quickly update you on what happened: I have an eye-opening 2 month holiday back home in Athens and returned to London in September. With a freshly edited cv I hit the job market once again and I was lucky enough to get interviews straight away. One of them resulted in a full time job in a small private company. Now I am a mental health support worker, my foot is up the ladder to becomimg a proper psychologist, finally. One small step towards my life's goal.
But work has been really demanding and I have worked long shifts, and hadn't time for anything else unfortunately.
My partner moved to London and in my flat after Christmas and now we are finally together in the same city. Which is awesome, and for somw reason it makes me want to rub it in people's faces, (you know the ones who said behind our backs it wouldn't last), but I'm not gonna do that. I am going to enjoy my life, and focus on us and me and forget about the outside world that is so full of negativity and jealousy.
So this is what I have been doing for the past few months. More or less. And we are also house hunting for a 1bedroom flat to move in, because my studio is way too small to fit both of us. We're getting there. Slowly.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
I've been really lost in my own memories these past months, and suddenly I got this urge to write.
Maybe because the temperature tonight is chilly and I love it, I don't know why tonight.
I'm in Athens again for the summer.
I quit my job in June for many reasons. One part of me feels kinda weird about it, but the rest of me feels great about it.
I've been doing physiotherapy for my back problems & aches and I'm feeling a lot better health-wise, which I though impossible, and yet :)
Truth is every time I come back, it's like my mind explodes in 800 thoughts and feelings and questions.
How do I feel now, and why? Do I like it here, and why? Do I wanna come back, and why? Is that even an option? Should I? Yes or no and why?
Questions I'm not even sure I should have been asking myself get asked automatically. Damn. That's the gift of being me.
I wanted to do a hundred things since July. I had to study, I had to read, etc etc etc and yet I find myself completely unwilling do one even one bloody thing. My To Do list can burn in hell for all I care. Yes.
It's far better to daydream and get lost in my memories, and the odors of the garden and my neighborhood than to do anything remotely similar to what I do in London.
I'm not sure if I can even describe it. I'm in my parents car, going somewhere, and all I can do is look out the window and reminiscence. Places I knew so well are completely different. The city moves on whether I'm here or not. Expected. The feelings of loneliness this creates, not expected.
I know that memories can't get recreated, but I sorta wanted to "continue" them, if that makes any sense. But I see that I can't because what was there then, is not there anymore. That is gone, and so are my chances of feeling less cut-out from my previous life.
People are different, my relationships are different (usually distant or non-existent for more people than I'd like to count) and basically I feel like I moved to London 30 years ago, instead of 3.
Distance. So much distance. So convenient for people to move on, and you far far behind.
Song of tonight "Love it to die", from Warpaint.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
I haven't updated my blog in a while. I've been crazy busy with work and so tired, that I've lost the will to do pretty much anything anymore.
A quick update: I had a very nice Easter holiday, my boyfriend visited me and we spent 3 lovely weeks together in London, visiting exciting places, exhibitions and museums and all the cool stuff we wanted to see. This includes watching The Amazing Spiderman 2.
It was very nice having him here, and now that he's gone I'm finding it difficult to go back to my routines.
Anyway, on the subject of work now, I'm really fed up with that place, I think I've learned all that I could from there (it's not exactly rocket science) and I want to move on. They want me to stay until the end of summer, but I won't. My back is in a lot of pain, and I've been taking too many painkillers per week to just get through each day, that I'm getting very worried. I'm going to phone my GP on Monday and book an appointment as soon as I can get one urgently, and see what the hell is up with my back.
That is it, more or less, my life has been extremely uneventful since I got this job. Which had it's ups and downs (more downs than anything else though). And now I just want to move on. Being a support worker can't be forever.
A quick question I have for you guys, would you be interested into watching Vlogs from me here, along with the regular blog post?? Because I've been thinking of vlogging but I'm a bit camera shy, so I wanted to see if people would like that, so I can get the motivation to overcome my camera-shyness. Please let me know in the comments!!! :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Life has been absolutely CRAZY.
Since February I've been working at for a Council here in London (don't want to say which), at a day centre for the elderly. Full time. It's insane.
In February in general I had a hard time, with interviews (or not!) going on, and general stress of failure, etc. Normal stuff, lol.
Problem is, it's almost a month now that I've been working there, and even though in the beginning it felt like the most challenging thing I'd ever done, now I feel like I've gotten used to it. Which feels absurd to me.
Sometimes I got sad and depressed looking at those old people, so sick, so unable to do anything, many of them can't even speak or communicate at all. I used to think that if I ever end up like this, I don't want to live anymore. Not like this. It's so awful, an lonely.
I can't describe it with words. Only the people that have worked in such environments can understand this, I think. For everyone else, it's so strange, so foreign.
I started with care and sadness, and in one month, I have managed to not feel anything. How did this even happen? Like I'm going through the motions, but I'm not really there. Is my brain doing this? To protect me?
I have no idea. Weirdest thing, I hear my colleagues talking about our clients at the centre, and telling me this and that, and in their words there is so much interest and care about the elderly, and I can't help it but wonder, do they really care this much, or is it just a front? because if they show that they don't care, they'll be replaced by someone else. So bizarre that I'm thinking this.
And all this time, through the good and the bad, and the very bad (diarrhea, urinary infections, spit, etc) I find myself tackling this with a very different frame of mind.
Why don't I care that much anymore?
I feel so guilty about this. I went into psychology because I was interested into how people acted & thought. I wanted to explore the human brain. I wanted to know everything about everything.
And now, while feeding people who cannot communicate with words anymore, I find myself not thinking anything.
I'm not thinking that I hate this, I'm not thinking that I want to be somewhere else, I'm not thinking that I wish someone else was doing this instead of me.
I'm not thinking at all. My mind is completely blank. No good thoughts, no bad thoughts.
This emptiness swallows the rest of my thoughts and feelings. It leaves me dead, like a barren field. And I don't know what to do about that.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I'm sorry for not posting anything since December. I wanted to, but life gets in the way some times. It seems I need to find another way of organizing myself because clearly this one is not working well :p
Ok, let's start from where I left off in my previous post;
I went home for the holidays (for about 2 weeks) and I had a great time. As you remember, I was really stressed and intimidated, but last minute decided that I should go, without any expectations, and just see what happens.
It turned out that without planning, things move a lot smother for me!
I had Christmas eve dinner with my family and boyfriend, and it was a lot of fun. We also had Christmas day lunch all together too, and it was really cool. The food was amazing; my mom and my uncle and his fiancee where the ones that did the cooking, and everything was delicious!!!
This is one thing I really love about going home; mom's cooking ^_^
The whole thing just felt so homey and familiar and just plain perfect. Everyone was in a good mood (that was unexpected, haha) and it was 2 lovely days in a row.
The only sad thing during my vacation was that I caught the flu or something, and I was sick for a few days on my second week. Nothing extreme, just sneezing, coughing, a little bit of fever, and a horrible stomach ache. LOL. Because what's a vacation without a cold?
But it all went great, and that's what's important at the end of the day.
I spent a lot of time home, which is what I wanted originally. Cuddling with my cat, on my sofa.
Ah, the good old days. I miss that.
For my birthday I decided last minute to have lunch at T.G.I Fridays, LOL, with 3 of my best friends and we had kinda of a girls day out, which was so much fun!!! And then for dinner, I had made reservations in a beautiful posh restaurant on top of a big hotel, for my boyfriend and me. The food was fantastic, and in the end I realized that I had drunk almost 1 bottle of wine by myself. Well it was my birthday, so why the hell not?!?! :D lovely.
Basically that's about it. Holidays were great this time. I am feeling blessed for having such wonderful people in my life. Even if they are far away now. Most people can't enjoy the things I enjoy, so I am grateful for what I have.
This year also I decided to make a list of resolutions.
Now, generally I don't like New Year's Resolutions, as a thing, because I believe it's kinda silly to expect change from one day to the next, just like that. People need more than just one day, to change and keep those changes! Usually by February most people have given up.
But I decided to try it out this year.
My new year's resolutions are as follows:
1) Every time I go out with friends, etc (not work related), I will make an effort with my outfit and my makeup, and I will goth myself up, (as I used to do exactly before I moved to England). To remind myself of who I am.
2) I will remember the positive things in my life, instead of nagging for the bad ones, or the problems, and I will be grateful for what I have- that other people on this earth may not have.
3) I will be a better person, I will try and rectify my attitude, towards the people really close to me and I will try to be more the person that I want to be instead of the person that I am.
That's it, for now I think. I may add something to the list later on, we'll see. It depends on whether I think of something else that's important.
I have changed a lot this past year, and I'm really proud of myself and my progress as a person and where I've come, so this is why my list may seem a bit short. It's because I feel that I have accomplished a lot already.
Now the part about brownies,
I tried Betty Crocker's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Mix today! it was my first attempt ever at making brownies, so we'll see how they're gonna taste, I hope they'll be eatable :P
that's it for today, I know this was a long post, but I had a lot to catch up to!!!
I'll try and update my blog again and this time I'll pledge to doing so once a week!!!
Hopefully that'll keep me on a schedule!!
Oh, I've also started watching Lost Girl....
I'm not a huge fan of the leading actress though, I think she's ruining the whole damn show.
Anyway, more on that on the next post!! :D
Sunday, December 8, 2013
it's already December, how did that happen?
I feel like sometimes time moves a bit too fast! Which is not totally a bad thing, because it doesn't leave me much time (lol) to brood on situations and feel sad. They say that if you keep busy, it's better, and I find that is really is!
I think that exercising actually helped me too, to feel better. Now my usual state is that of a person full of energy, trying to do as much as possible and live each day to the fullest :)
A recent update on my life; I am still working as a housekeeper, and I am still employed by that temp agency as a support worker, but I've only done a few shifts, and this is becoming a bit frustrating. I thought I would get a steady job for a few weeks at least, and not only a few shifts.
Since I am still applying for jobs, I think I'm going to try more vigorously now, to get what I want.
I have a job interview next week actually. At first I though, oh crap, why now, it's going to mess with my schedule, but on the other hand now that I'm thinking harder about it, if it's something steady AND about something that I like doing, why the hell not?? The money is not that good, but if I do it full time, it may actually be enough to pay my rent!!
It's about 1 year after I graduated from Kingston University, and NOW people are approaching me with job opportunities (even if those opportunities are shit), and now I am actually considered worthy of interviews.
I had to have 1 year of CRAP literately, to be able to reach the bottom of job-pool. Last year, I couldn't even get those crappy jobs!!! I'm not sure that is good thing or not. LOL. But a girl I met in one of my seminars, told me that I am one of the lucky ones. I've been here for 2 years and now I can actually do things, while other people have been here for a lot longer, as much as 5 years, and haven't done even half as what I have.
Which I thought was awesome and then I was a little proud of myself.
So thank you (I'm not gonna say her name, for obvious reasons).
Another fantastic thing happened, I went to an interview last week, for a volunteering post in a facility for substance abusers with mental issues and offending, and I got the post!!
Obviously I won't get paid because it is voluntary, but OMG this is going to be so important for me as experience and it will look awesome in my CV :D so it's a win win situation! (If I do actually help some people, it's going to be perfect).
Now on another, more sad note,
I am still getting nightmares about going back home. I will be in Athens for 2 weeks, over Christmas vacation, to be with family, friends and boyfriend. But I am very ambivalent about it.
Many thoughts crossed my mind actually, one of them being that maybe I shouldn't go, and perhaps it would have been better if I stayed here alone for the holidays. At least that way I wouldn't have to stress over anything.
And then I thought, well, this is a problem. If I'm thinking of not going, only to avoid the anxiety, then we have an issue. I should have been glad to be back, instead of trying to avoid it. And yet.... crap.
Mindfulness skills help a bit with the anxiety, especially because I have all these issues in my head, and the way I perceive the world/people around me and this is what causes all this anxiety. So being able to accept my broken self is the first step. Now, the most important thing is NOT to get caught up in my crazy thoughts, and actually see them as what they are: just a negative thought, nothing more.
Seriously though, I strongly recommend Mindfulness for those that suffer from anxiety, panic, and/or depression. Any of those 3, or all of them. It does make you feel a bit better.
Anyway, I will update my blog before I leave London though, so bear with me as the holiday season approaches and so do the crazy shoppers and roaring tourists.